


A Soft Warmth

by Phantom_Ice



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: (lol what the heck is a platonic romance? does this qualify?), Bokuto Koutarou's mood swings, Coming Out, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Gen, If I had to describe this in one word it'd be 'soft', Implied/Referenced Homophobia, It could go either way, Kuroo Tetsurou is a Good Friend, M/M, Platonic Kissing, Platonic Romance, Second years, Self-Esteem Issues, Soft Boys, They love each other, cuz there's kissing but it's KIND of platonic?, idk interpret how you will, tagged relationship and friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-10
Updated: 2018-09-10
Packaged: 2019-07-10 17:57:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15954560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phantom_Ice/pseuds/Phantom_Ice
Summary: Bokuto Koutarou was sixteen years old and had never kissed anybody.But that was young, and he had plenty of time. It shouldn't bother him, and it wouldn't (maybe) if it was because there had never been anybody he wanted to kiss. But there had been. There had been a lot of people.It was just that… none of them have been girls. They were really supposed to be girls.He's never been good at keeping secrets and this one's too big and important to carry alone, but he felt lost and dejected and didn't know who to turn to.And then he did.





	A Soft Warmth

**Author's Note:**

> I love this ship, whether it be a broship or a good ol' romance. I just love these boys together.

Bokuto Koutarou was sixteen years old and had never kissed anybody. That wouldn’t be a problem, he didn’t think, if it was because he never wanted to kiss anybody or he was waiting for something special, but he has wanted to and there have been plenty of special times and special people. So many cute special people. It’s just that… none of them have been girls. They were really supposed to be girls.

But the whole point of inviting Kuroo out tonight was to forget all that, to forget the fact that he heard his twelve-year-old brothers get into an argument and call each other fags like it was the worst insult they could come up with, to forget the gross face his parents made whenever they said the word ‘homosexuals.’ To forget that he was feeling… down, and for the first time in his life he couldn’t talk to his mom about it at all. 

He called Kuroo because Bokuto really didn’t have a ton of close personal friends. He had a lot of friends, but not the type he could call to hang out with him for the day just because he was having bad thoughts. Maybe the next closest was Akaashi, a boy who had joined the team this year as a setter and who Bokuto thought he could maybe have a connection with, but they weren’t at this level yet. Even if they were, the way Akaashi’s face always seemed to make Bokuto’s stomach do weird things probably wouldn’t help. Kuroo was both a great bro and a much better distraction.

But the distraction wasn’t working. It wasn’t working because now he was lying on a grassy hill in a public park staring into Kuroo’s eyes with their shoulders resting against each other. There were thirty centimeters or so between their faces, it was sunset and the park was empty, and despite the fact that he didn’t think he even liked Kuroo in that way, Bokuto couldn’t help but wonder what it would feel like if he just leaned in a bit. Would… would Kuroo hate him? (Of course not, what a stupid thought. Why had he really chosen Kuroo, after all?) Would his siblings hate him? Would his mom hate him? Bokuto took a deep breath as his mood spiraled, which was the opposite of the point of being with Kuroo. He tried to remember his therapist’s tips for “compartmentalizing” and focusing only on a single worry at a time, but it was one of those times that they all threw themselves at him so sporadically that he couldn’t think of just one long enough to work through it. His head was spinning and he was feeling so many feelings that everything just… hurt. 

“Kuroo...” His voice broke in the middle. Kuroo smiled at him knowingly. 

“Do you wanna talk about whatever it is?”

Kuroo was such a good friend. He was such a good friend who did so much for Bokuto, like help him with his moods, and what did Bokuto give him in return? What did Kuroo even get out of this friendship? Maybe he just liked having someone so much dumber than him around.

“Why are you friends with me?” He asked the question before he realized he was doing it and immediately felt heat rush into his face as his eyes widened. Something that Kuroo could probably see really well because he was staring right at him. He groaned and looked away for a moment, but he looked back when Kuroo spoke.

“Because I like hanging out with you. You’re an awesome guy!”

“Oh, okay,” Bokuto mumbled and averted his eyes. That was an avoidance for sure. Kuroo frowned and propped himself up on his elbows.

“I’m serious, Bo. I like you and always enjoy myself when we hang out. Why would I do it otherwise?” Bokuto scrunched up his face.

“Because you feel bad for me? Because you know I’m stupid and hard for other people to handle and you’re a nice person?" 

“Come on, bro. You know that isn’t true! I--”

“But there are lots of people you could ‘enjoy yourself’ with! There’s no other reason it would have to be me when all I do is drag you down! And I know sometimes I embarrass you by saying stupid things because I’m too dumb to even--”

“Stop it, Bokuto!” Bokuto had a hand at his head pulling at his hair by this point, and Kuroo’s words were angry, but Bokuto recognized the panic as well. For all of his lack of control over his own, the emotions of others were something Bokuto was good at reading. “You’re right, okay?” Kuroo all but growled, and Bokuto tensed. “There are a lot of people I could hang out with, but I choose to hang out with you and there are hundreds of reasons. You’re always up for something wild, you’re fearless, you motivate me to do better in everything because you always give everything one hundred and twenty percent. I broke a personal record at the gym today because you were there, pushing me to do better with your stupidly intimidating biceps. And don’t even get me started on how much better my volleyball has gotten for the same reason! We’re friends because we make a good team!” Kuroo flopped back down onto the grass, still looking intently at Bokuto. Bokuto avoided eye contact by looking at his chin. It was sharp. Nicely defined.

“I guess… but that’s just physical stuff I help you with and it’s all I’ve got. You have so much more and you’re so smart. You’re actually going to do something one day, and I’m just…” Kuroo rose an eyebrow.

“You’re one of the best high school aces in the country and you’re barely even a second year. You’ll probably break the top five soon. You have years of volleyball ahead of you. You’ll probably go pro. How could you think you’re not going anywhere?”

“Because it’s all just physical.” Bokuto hadn’t even realized how much this was bothering him until that moment, but as he said it he realized it was all true. “I have a few years of volleyball maybe if any pro team will have me considering everything. And then what? Everyone says that people who are all muscle like me don’t go anywhere. That we peak in high school and after that, we’re going to end up working depressing jobs with the actually useful smart kids as our successful happy bosses, and I don't... I want to be happy. I don't...”

“Okay, first of all, those are movies and stories made to try to convince people that bullies get their due karma so the public can continue to ignore the problem, and you’ve never bullied anyone in your life. Second of all, that’s all kind of bullshit,” Kuroo stated decisively.

“What?” Bokuto finally looked straight at him, but this time Kuroo looked away, turning his head to watch the sky.

“You know what I think? I think a lot of people talking to you right now would try to convince you that you are smart, or that you have a different type of intelligence-- which is actually true since physical intelligence and empathic intelligence are things that do exist and you have a lot of both, and don’t forget that you know, like, three languages--" He gave Bokuto a meaningful look, "But you know what? It doesn't even matter.” He paused, “I say this as a self-proclaimed nerd, but I think intelligence is overrated. Who cares how smart you are? It says nothing about you. It’s not like intelligence is something you can create. You’re born with it. You can do well in life without it, or study hard and fake it 'till you make it, but intelligence itself is a genetic lotto. It doesn’t mean jackshit about who you are as a person.

Bokuto bit his lip in confusion. Kuroo read it easily off his face and sighed as he searched for the words to express what he was trying to say.

“I know a lot of smart people, and a lot of them are great, but a lot of them are also raging assholes. Intelligence doesn’t mean anything about your moral character or even your personality. 

“So if you think you’re ‘stupid’, fine. You’re not the smartest person I know, but don’t you dare think for a moment that I’d rather hang out with the smartest person I know over you just because they’re smart when you’re clearly a better friend in every way. You’re a great person because you care about others, because you pour your all into practice and everything else in your life without thought of failure. You make me feel like I don’t have to worry so much when I feel overwhelmed.” Kuroo finally turned back to look at Bokuto and immediately flushed, bringing his hand up to rub the back of his head. “Er, sorry. I guess I’ve been bottling that up for a while now. Kind of embarrassing. I didn’t mean to lecture you, I mean… Ah! What are you doing?!”

“Kuroo!!!” Bokuto had lunged forward and was now half laying on top of Kuroo in an attempt to hug him. It was just… “Shit, bro, that’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me!” Kuroo flushed even further.

“Er, well, uh, whatever, I guess. I mean, next to Kenma, you’re my best bro, Bo. Ha, bro Bo. Get it?” He quickly recovered and relaxed, hugging Bokuto back before they separated, laying again on the grass staring at the sky.

“So… do you feel better?”

“I do!” Bokuto laughed and the quieted down, biting his lip, “But you know, that’s not even actually what I wanted to talk about,”

“What?! Geez, Bo. I just gave you a full prize worthy lecture for nothing? I feel used, really. I--”

Bokuto turned to Kuroo, “I saw you making out with a guy during our last tournament.” It just sort of spilled out, and Bokuto vaguely remembered advice he had gotten in the past about maybe getting a filter or something. Eh, probably wasn't important.

“Oh…” Kuroo turned to meet his gaze with a cautious look. They stared at each other silently for a moment. “Okay. I… maybe I should have told you. But… that was months ago. Why are you bringing it up now?” He paused and hardened his expression, his hands fisting in the grass, “If you have an issue I would think--”

“It’s not that! I just, I don’t know… does anyone else know?” Bokuto crossed his arms across his chest and looked in the complete opposite direction. Kuroo sighed and Bokuto heard the shifting of cloth as he too crossed his arms.

“My whole team knows as of this year.” 

“Really?” Bokuto popped up into a sitting position to look at Kuroo. “You told them?” 

Kuroo shrugged, still lying down and looking away.

“I didn’t want issues. And honestly, Nekoma has a pretty chill accepting student body and I knew everyone important on the team, and Kenma obviously has known forever. It wasn’t actually so bad. I didn't make it an ordeal or anything. Just mentioned it casually, in passing.”

Bokuto thought about that for a moment and brought his knees up to his chest so that he could rest his chin on them.

“… do your parents know?” Kuroo watched him out of the corner of his eye as he answered.

“Yes, I told them before I even told the team.”

“Really?! Weren’t you scared?”

“I was nervous, but my parents are progressive. I’ve never gotten the sense that they would, you know, be upset or anything. They even told me they wouldn’t care, when I was younger, before I knew or cared. I knew I didn’t have anything to worry about.”

“Oh.” Bokuto pulled up the grass over and over again with one hand. His stomach hurt from guilt. He should be happy for Kuroo, and he was, but he was also... lonely?

Kuroo sat up as well, putting one hand on Bokuto’s back. 

“Bro, listen… this clearly isn’t about me. I’m here for you. If you want to tell me, there’s no risk,” 

“I want to tell everyone!” Bokuto turned to Kuroo and straightened out his legs. “I want to tell my teammates and my brothers and my sisters and my mom and my dad and that cute boy who sits behind me in English and just everyone! I’ve never felt like such a liar. I can’t think of anything important that I didn’t tell my mom as soon as I figured it out. Even when I bring home bad grades I tell her and she doesn’t even yell at me about them 'cuz she knows I try really hard and it's hard for me, but, but, this is different. She’ll hate me, Kuroo. They’ll all hate me.”

“Hey, don’t cry.” This time Kuroo initiated the hug, wrapping his long arms around Bokuto and letting him rest his forehead on Kuroo’s shoulder as he sniffled. When he had quieted down a bit, Kuroo continued. “I don’t know your family, so I can’t say anything there. But I do know your team, not everyone, and I can’t pretend I know there won’t be any assholes, but for the most part, I don’t think they would care. I mean, Fukurodani is probably the most urban school in Tokyo. If there’s any place you’re going to find people who won’t give you shit, that’s it. I’m not telling you to come out if you don’t feel comfortable and safe, but don’t paralyze yourself with the fear that they’ll hate you if they find out either, you know?”

“I can try... but my family... I’ve never kept a secret from my mom before. She’s going to start wondering why I never talk about girls, I’m going to have to start making stuff up, and I’m terrible at lying and secrets. And… and she won’t be okay with it. You should see the way she looks when she talks about it. I don’t think she would kick me out, but… she wouldn’t be okay with it,”

“I’m sorry,” Kuroo rubbed small circles on Bokuto’s back as they hugged. “You can say ‘it’, you know.” Kuroo broke the silence after a few minutes. “Being gay isn’t Voldemort, you don’t have to be afraid to say the word. There’s not a jinx on it.” Bokuto tightened his grip on the sides of Kuroo’s shirt. “Have you… have you never said it out loud before?” Bokuto shook his head, still on Kuroo’s shoulder. “Bro, don’t you have a therapist? Then you know it’s not healthy to keep things bottled up!” Bokuto laughed a little. 

“My therapist is actually pretty focused on helping me control and channel my emotions instead of letting them just explode out as soon as I feel them, so actually--”

“Details! You know what I meant, work with me here!” Bokuto laughed again, louder this time as he leaned back out of Kuroo’s embrace so they were just sitting, still too close, on the grass. It was getting darker out, sunset slowly but definitively turning into night.

“What should I say?”

“I don’t know, just say that you’re gay, I guess. You don’t have to run away from that. It’s really important that you remember that you aren’t the problem, how other people see it is the problem,”

“Okay... I’m gay.” The world didn’t stop or explode, and Bokuto counted that at a win. In fact, it almost felt like the world had been rearing up for a spike and just finished the follow through. “That does feel a bit better,”

“Told you so! So… does your therapist know?” Bokut looked down, his shoulders tense.

“No, no one knows. Just you, now,”

“I’m honored.” And his tone actually sounded genuine, like he truly was. “Actually, I’m sorry I never told you about me. You’re a good friend and I knew you would never be a jerk over something like that. I guess… I guess I was just worried you’d treat me differently, is all. Not bad, just differently,”

“I get it. It shouldn’t have taken me catching you to tell you the truth either. So if you're sorry I’m sorry.”

He looked up at Kuroo again. He remembered Kuroo and the boy at the last tournament. Another player from some team wearing green. They had been in a shady corner behind the gym, and they had been really close. Like, supporting-their-weight-on-the-wall close. Bokuto wondered…

“How far have you gone with a guy before?” Bokuto’s back shot up straight as soon as he asked the question. “Ahhhhh! I’m sorry!” His hands moved up to cover his madly blushing face as he shook his head. “I didn’t mean to ask that! You don’t have to answer, you can just pretend I never said that, please! Is that a creepy thing to ask? It’s probably creepy. Ahhhhhh!!!!! Sorrrryyyy!!!”

Kuroo interrupted his freak out by laughing his ridiculous hyena laugh, topping it off with an unattractive snort and an elbow to Bokuto’s side. 

“Relax. It’s fine… though I didn’t know you were such a kinky perv,”

“Kuroo!”

“Kidding, kidding! I really don’t mind talking about it if you want to know. I did… I did go all the way, once,”

“What!?” Bokuto’s eyes peeked out from between his fingers, “Really!? With who!? Do I know them?!”

“No, he doesn’t play volleyball or anything. He’s from Nekoma, in a music club.” Kuroo rubbed the back of his head and blushed a little. 

“Oooooh, a musician. I’m not surprised.” This time Bokuto elbowed Kuroo a few times, and his friend blushed even redder and jokingly pushed back at him. 

“Stop it! I won’t tell you any more!” 

Bokuto laughed, “Okay, so what happened?” Then he tilted his head and his eyes widened. “Are you dating now?!” Kuroo shoved him again.

“No nothing like that. We were never dating in the first place,”

“Really? Then why’d you… you know,”

“‘You know’ really? Sex isn’t Voldemort either, you know,”

“I know!” Bokuto whined, while simultaneously blushing and averting his eyes at the word. Kuroo snorted and shook his head.

“It just sort of… happened, I guess? We got close and when we both realized we were attracted to each other we figured why not, and did it... It sounds bad when I say it like that, doesn’t it? It’s just, neither of us was ready for something more with a guy, you know? We were both only out to one friend, and keeping a relationship a secret like that was more work and more risk than we wanted. I think we only slept together in the first place ‘cuz neither of us knew anyone else who was gay, you know? Wait, now it sounds even worse, doesn’t it?”

Bokuto tilted his head in the other direction. Despite his steady tone, Kuroo was nervous.

“Maybe, but I think I get it. I would probably do the same thing.”

“Right.” Kuroo blinked, darted his eyes to Bokuto, and immediately looked down. Bokuto smiled. It was a rare thing to be able to get Kuroo to act any sort of bashful.

“Well,” he urged on.

“What?”

“Was it fun?”

Kuroo snorted, “Bro, you have to be the only person I know who would ask it like that. ‘Fun’. Ha.” He paused and looked thoughtful for a moment. “Actually, though… ya. That’d be a good way to describe it. I mean, not gonna lie, it was awkward as hell. Neither of us knew what we were doing and at one point we had to stop to, uh, google something--”

(“Ha! Google, really?”

“Shaddup,”)

“-- and there was a lot more laughing than I expected there to be, but, it, uh, it felt good and it was… fun.”

By this point, Kuroo’s face was burning red and he wasn’t even able to maintain eye contact anymore. Bokuto figured he had asked enough personal questions, even if he was still confused by the laughing.

“Well, that’s totally not fair!” he pouted, successfully grabbing the attention of his friend who rolled his eye and seemed to forget his own embarrassment as he looked at Bokuto. “I’ve never even kissed anyone! I call cheats!”

“Really, never?”

The pure shock made Bokuto self-conscious in turn, and now he was the red one.

“Don’t make fun of me, Kuroo!” He whined. 

“I’m not! I was just surprised since you’re so… enthusiastic. But I guess that makes sense if you’ve never come out to someone and aren't at all interested in girls… You know…”

“What?”

“If, uh, you wanted…” Kuroo darted his eyes in Bokuto’s direction and looked away again. He was embarrassed, but Bokuto still couldn’t figure out what was happening. 

“What?”

“Really? Are you going to make me spell it…” Kuroo looked at Bokuto’s blank staring face and sighed. “Okay, clearly you are. If you wanted, we could kiss?”

Bokuto stared blankly for a little longer, and as he did he could feel himself starting to glow red hot starting from his collarbone and creeping all the way up to his hairline like a teapot being filled.

“What!? Us?! I mean, uh, I, uh, I mean…”

“Relax! It was just, you know, a suggestion. Don’t feel pressure, or an--”

“Okay!” Bokuto slammed his hands against the grass and leaned forward, still burning hot.

“Huh?”

“I wanna try it!”

“Okay,” Kuroo breathed out, surprised even though it was his idea. They both sat and stared at each other for a moment. Kuroo was handsome, Bokuto decided. Not like most idols were handsome or like Akaashi was handsome, which were pretty and blushy ways of being handsome that depended on symmetrical features and luck. Kuroo had some of that, but there was something different, an attractiveness that was dependent not on how his features sat but on the way he held them on his face, confident and insinuating, like a rogue movie hero. Sharp eyes, sly mouth, turned nose, even somewhat pointed ears, all twisted up like he was about to steal something from you.

Like a first kiss, maybe.

Bokuto swallowed. They stared at each other a bit more. Bokuto wanted to do something, but he didn’t know what, so he was relieved when Kuroo broke himself out, looking away and shifting so that he was kneeling before turning back to Bokuto.

“I’m just gonna…” the taller boy leaned forward without breaking eye contact and held the palm of his hand uncertainty up in midair, close to Bokuto’s skin. 

“Okay.” 

“Okay.” Kuroo’s palm landed softly, cradling Bokuto’s cheek. It was slightly cold outside. He and Kuroo were both still in pretty light clothes after spending so much time at the gym together, so the chill came as no surprise. What was surprising was how simultaneously cold and warm Kuroo’s hand felt against his cheek. His fingertips were icy, but his touch… Bokuto exhaled. His eyes had wandered to try to watch the hand, and now they went back to Kuroo, who was slowly leaning in. For the first time, Bokuto was close enough to distinguish Kuroo's pupils from the nearly equally dark irises. Those dark intense eyes darted between Bokuto’s eyes and lips as Kuroo tilted their heads. Bokuto was trembling, and with Kuroo just a centimeter away Bokuto finally squeeze his eyes shut like they did in the movies.

Their lips touched, and Bokuto was surprised again at how warm it was. The warmth of the physical pressure against his mouth was soothing. Even as his heart did little diving receives against his ribcage he found his shoulders relaxing and his tight grip on the grass loosening. He allowed his eyes to flutter open for a moment, just enough to see that Kuroo’s were closed, before shutting them again. Kuroo moved into the kiss, coaxing his lips into a rhythm that Bokuto started to follow as best he could, and then, to Bokuto’s surprise, moving the hand not cupping his face to rest against Bokuto’s side, where it leaked more warmth, both physical and not, into him. He used his new grip to pull them even closer together, a part of their chests near their sternums now touching. 

Bokuto gasped at the feeling, and Kuroo used the moment to brush his tongue against Bokuto’s bottom lip, but then retreat back into his own mouth. Bokuto’s breath hitched and he carefully moved his hands onto Kuroo’s hips. They were surprisingly narrow against Bokuto’s large palms, and Bokuto found he really liked the feeling, nothing like the round plushness when he lifted their manager into the air after a win. He grabbed on tighter and Kuroo made a noise from his throat that didn’t sound uncomfortable. Kuroo pulled back to breathe, hovering right above Bokuto’s lips. 

They both opened their eyes at the same time as their chests rose and fell against each other. This time it was Bokuto’s eyes that couldn’t help but move to Kuroo’s lips and back. He looked Kuroo in the eye and shut his own eyes again while hesitantly angling in. Soon Kuroo’s lips were on his again.

Bokuto leaned forward for more pressure and tried to more actively move his lips against Kuroo’s. He accidentally bumped their foreheads together sending an equal banging pain through both of them, and there was a whine of protest and an admonishing shove against his side before Kuroo relaxed back into the kiss.

He hadn’t realized this was what kissing was like, not mind-blowing or explosive like he had imagined, but warm in so many different ways. The warmth of their lips, the warmth of hands and sides and chests, even the warmth exchanged whenever their noses brushed or bumped against each other. More than anything it was a sharing of heat, temperature passing between them and equalizing until it was like they shared the same hot-blooded body pulsing in the cool night air. Maybe it was just because it was with his best friend, but it felt something like a hug on steroids. 

The next time they had to breathe they pulled farther away and Kuroo’s hand dropped from Bokuto’s face, letting the cold nip against it again. 

Around them, the street lights suddenly switched on, lighting up the darkness they had been in until that moment. 

“Well, how was it?” Kuroo asked after a few deep breaths. And Bokuto suddenly understood what he had said about laughing, because as he stared at Kuroo’s goofy smirk with his own cheeks still red-- now for two reasons-- all he could do was laugh in a mixture of embarrassment and happiness.

“Fun! It was fun!”

Kuroo cackled back and shook his head as he stood up off the grass. Once he was up he reached a hand down to help Bokuto, who gladly took it and purposefully put more weight on it than he necessarily had too, laughing even harder as he almost brought them both toppling back down. 

They walked home together, both laughing into the night with their shoulders pressed against each other radiating warmth.

**Author's Note:**

> Did I ever mention I'm a bit of a slut for the 'Kuroo has an unrequited crush on Bokuto' trope that's been making a few rounds? Because I am. So you're free to read this with that interpretation in mind. Or, if that's too sad, you're also free to imagine that they totally went to Kuroo's place and slept together after this. Because it probably happened eventually. Or neither of those. Or both, they're not mutually exclusive. Your call. After all, Bokuto should really work on his implications 'You're the only person who knows' put together with 'I would probably do the same thing' sends a message, honey. 
> 
> Anyway, how do you prefer these two? Bros or hoes? Leave a review and let me know what you think. XD


End file.
